“In A Box” is an oil painting self-portrait that situates me on the floor of my bedroom. To me, endurance is synonymous with resilience. Maintaining physical endurance while running a marathon is challenging, but mental resilience against self-doubt and distractions is tougher to face. And it only took me an entirely online first year of university and internship work to realize this. Due to an 11-hour difference, I had to work with two time zones, Toronto’s and Jakarta’s, to cater to my two activities.
Consequently, my schedule was often too crowded without much room to breathe. I find myself constantly frustrated and overwhelmed when I aimed to be calm and collected. In the painting, the wardrobe acts as a frame to box me within the box of a bedroom. As much as I love exploring the outside, I'm forced to be stuck inside and perhaps explore myself. When I could study in the library, I had no issues focusing and staying disciplined. Being at home, however, weakened my self-control to remain resilient to achieve my goals, even if it’s only to finish an assignment. I've become a last-minute student, which I never thought I would be. Above all of this, I realized that I was not at peace with myself. Enduring countless self-doubts and worries is by far the most challenging thing I had to face.